"What are you looking at?"

"Oh the silent majesty of a new winter's morn, the clean cool chill of the holiday air... Christians posting all over social media that Santa is an anagram of Satan."

It's that time of year again folks. Let the war begin. What do Christians do about Santa? No little amount of ink (or digital type) has been spilled giving a myriad of opinion on this. Part of leading our families well will mean we have to navigate the Santa issue at some point.

One important consideration - This is something that I categorize as a "freedom of conscience" issue. In other words, people who love Jesus and are committed to Him in their lives can have different opinions on an issue without compromising Christian fellowship. When it comes to Santa, I think we have three options:

1. No Santa - I read a really helpful post from Desiring God that advocates this position. And I'm not opposed to this perspective. The point of Christmas is all about Jesus, and for Piper putting something else as competition to the majesty of Christ is a dilution of the season. In this view, Santa becomes a carrot dangled for morality (he's making his list and checking it twice to find out who's naughty or nice) to get kids to behave so they can get stuff for behaving. Also in this view is a concern that by promoting fiction as truth it will cause breakdowns later or in other areas of a child's life. Many of you reading this are in this camp. My best friend and his family don't do Santa, they do a huge birthday party for Jesus, complete with funfetti cake. It's awesome. I love their conviction.

2. Santa as a Side Note - In this perspective, Santa is a part of the Christmas celebration, but he comes as a secondary emphasis to Baby Jesus. Families who follow this thread will take their kids to see Santa, will leave cookies & milk (we've toyed with leaving coffee but that might be too obvious), but will spend attention and focus on Baby Jesus. They'll sing carols, do Advent, talk often about Baby Jesus, and use the backstory of St. Nicholas in teaching their kids about giving at Christmas. Our family does this perspective: we reduce Santa's giving to one gift, we make sure to remind our kids that Santa loves Jesus and wants Sam & Gray to love Jesus too, but we try to avoid using Santa for behavior correction (although it has slipped before, don't judge).

3. Santa as Centerpiece - Families who do this will make Buddy the Elf look like the Grinch. Everything is about Santa. There's Elf on the Shelf. There's tons of gifts at Christmas from Santa. Jesus is included in the discussion and is focused on in the family celebration, but the majority of the time of year is on the "magic" of Christmas. Families who participate in this perspective will not see a big deal with emphasizing Santa with smaller children.

However you and your family choose to celebrate Christmas and incorporate Santa is something to give careful thought to, have discussions with your spouse about, and walk in knowing that people will do it differently than you do. Part of our responsibility with freedom of conscience issues means that we will not unnecessarily judge those in another perspective. The important thing for us all to remember, regardless of what we think about Santa, is that Christmas is all about the Baby King who would be the sacrifice for our sin.

How has your family navigated the Santa issue?

Side Note - Our family tries to do these things to keep the emphasis on Jesus, you can use these if you want, or not. It's ok.
1. We make sure to do Advent devotions which include Scripture reading, songs, and prayer time. You can get a number of them for free online.
2. Santa gets credit for one gift, not all of them. For us we want our kids to know that Mom & Dad are the ones who give them the most gifts. It doesn't always work, because my oldest is convinced Santa has an unlimited budget so why can't he get the giant LEGO set.
3. Jesus is the real hero at Christmas. That's what we often come back around to at dinner, during bedtime talks, and whenever the situation presents itself. There's no mistaking who Christmas is really about, and why it's so wonderful to celebrate Jesus' birthday. 
4. Our family keeps our church and our involvement as crucial. Our kids are in the Christmas skit, Carrie sings in the musical. We sit together as much as we can in church to sing Christmas hymns. We look forward to Christmas fellowships when we can make it to celebrate with people.
5. We do everything to make it as fun as possible. We do a Christmas flip at our house, just about every room is decorated, we have lights on the house, and we drive around with hot cocoa to look at lights. We sing Joy to the World and Jingle Bells, we all have Christmas PJs, and it's a big deal for each of us to take the boys to do stocking shopping.
6. We trust God with our boys' hearts and minds. Eventually they'll learn that there's a reason Santa and Daddy have similar handwriting. And when that day comes, we'll trust that they'll be old enough to understand that it was in good fun, but that they have a bigger Christmas Hope, Jesus.

Over the weekend, a devastating exposé of abuse and cover up in circles of fundamental, independent Baptist churches was published on the Fort Worth Star Telegram. Sarah Smith writes story after story of victims who were silenced by shame, intimidation, or fear of reprisal from the people they had been taught to respect and obey without question.

It's been tragic to not only read the testimonies, but also to see the attempts to silence and discredit the victims as gold diggers, plants, or worst of all agents of Satan.

In the aftermath and rubble of this awful reveal, those of us who lead in churches have to know and learn a few things.

1. We can no longer afford to be naive - When we pretend that things like this could never happen to us, we have set ourselves up for a horrific fall. Fundamental Independent Baptist churches have a wide reputation for legalism, shunning, and power. But so do many of our circles. We can't ever assume that abuse, assault, or sexual predation is a "them" problem.

2. We cannot ignore or solve problems ourselves - One of the mistakes that many churches make when they are confronted with allegations of misconduct is they try to handle things internally. I don't question the motive of most churches and pastors with this. There is no seminary class that teaches how to handle these situations. Or some think they can solve the problem themselves by treating it as a church discipline issue. We cannot do that. One story I know was that a victim came forward, was questioned by the pastor, and then was ignored until a second victim surfaced. Pastor, when confronted with an allegation of abuse or potential criminal conduct, call the authorities.

3. We must protect ourselves - The rule is simple guys, if it's not yours, keep your hands off. That goes for money, women, power, etc. You do not play lightly with fire. You do not put yourself in compromising situations. And you, under no circumstance, give a foothold for any kind of impropriety.

4. We can't tolerate abusers - Sadly, in far too many cases of abuse or misconduct, the church takes the side of the accuser and in many instances leaves the victims out to dry. There is a place for pastoral care and love towards the accused, but it never comes at the expense of the victim. If victims of sexual abuse or misconduct do not feel safe in our church, do not feel they are protected and loved, it really doesn't matter what our policy manual says. Those alleged to abuse must be removed from any roles, reported to authorities, and if necessary terminated from employment.

5. We must listen to victims - The reason why many women fail to report what happened to them? They're not believed. Or even heard. Our sisters in Christ are pleading for their pain to be heard, for their voice to be believed. The pain they live with, the scars they bear, are not something to be brushed off as "boys will be boys" or an "innocent mistake."

Let's pray for those who have experienced abuse in our churches. Let's pray for those who abused that they would repent, answer to justice, and be part of redemption. But above all, let's never allow this kind of rampant abuse to happen under our watch.

You're there right now aren't you? You've awoken from your turkey coma and realized that your pants don't fit as nicely anymore. You've been binge-watching Friends expecting it to go off Netflix so you've comforted yourself with ice cream. You look outside and see snow & ice and decide tomorrow will be a better day to run. The scale shows numbers you've never seen before.

When anyone sets out on a diet, they're not aware of the fact that many times they're setting themselves up for failure. How? The goal is too ambitious. I'm not saying ambition is bad, but sometimes we set the bar so high that we can't get over it no matter how hard we try. So after a few weeks without the Biggest Loser results (friendly reminder they have professional nutritionists, personal trainers, and they're on a closed set instead of snacking at work), we get frustrated and give up.

Pastors, chances are you've done the same thing when you lay out goals. You want to change the world, you want to double attendance in six months, you want to see a million dollars given for a capital campaign or you want every single person in your community's door knocked on.

And after 3 months, you give up.

I'm all for dreaming up BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals), they keep a vision in front of us of what ministry could be like if we were able to reach it. But BHAGs do not a longitudinal ministry make. We should aim high, always. But like Jesus said, we also must count the cost.

You can keep up with your progress - Slow and steady progress is hard to see week to week, it's hard to see month to month even. But over time it becomes visible. That's why you keep up with your weight loss on a diet. A pound a week becomes 20 after a few months. That's pretty cool! So with your ministry, write down, record, take pictures of what you're trying to accomplish. I had no idea at our church what was happening with our children's ministry until a picture popped up on my social media. It was cool seeing what had happened in a year.

Celebrate milestones - One friend of mine when he goes on a diet celebrated every 10 pounds lost with a steak dinner. Sure it pushes the scale up a bit, but hey you hit a milestone! Pastors, celebrate your milestones. You launch a new small group, pray over the leader and make a big deal about it! An outreach event leads to a baptism, cheer it on! An old debt is paid off, burn that note and have a party, er, fellowship!

Get buy in from other leaders - It's really hard to go on a diet plan when your spouse isn't. The temptation to eat cookies instead of carrot sticks gets stronger. As ministry leaders, we have to get buy in from others in leadership positions. It'll never work without, as Kotter calls it, a guiding coalition. Those leaders become allies, supporters, encouragers, and champions for the goal. Without them, it's impossible to push through the tough times. How can you get buy in? Sell the vision. You're not trying to fleece them like a mattress salesman, you're getting them on board with what you're trying to do. One pastor I learned a lot from, when I asked how he led his church through a major transition, said "I ate a lot of pie." He took time to talk with key figures and dialogue about the goal.

Keep Going - The normal way we see diets is like a yo-yo, we lose the 20 pound goal we set and then we go right back to our bad behaviors and eating like a pig. Momentum carries when we not only reach our goal but we change our attitude & actions. That's culture. Culture is when people aren't satisfied to reach the first goal, they want to keep going. That's the difference between Clemson, Alabama, Georgia, Ohio State and the rest of college football--they're not satisfied easily, they're still chasing. As pastors, we cannot be complacent or rest on the laurels of past accomplishments. Keep going. Keep pushing. Keep making steps forward to reach your community.

​How have you as a leader been able to keep the momentum going?

I get it, it's not fun to talk about money as a pastor. Sometimes it feels like all we do is have our hand out for one thing or another. We see the hucksters on TV talk about their private jet (because you can't stand and worship in coach) and their lavish lifestyle. You're scared to upgrade your beat up car because you don't want people making comments.

But pastors, we shouldn't be scared to talk about money. Jesus did. Of the 38 parables recorded in the Gospels, 16 of them deal with money/possessions. Almost 300 verses in the Gospels are connected with money. (HT to Preaching Today) Jesus covers the spectrum, calling for the rich young ruler to sell everything he has, commends the widow for her small offering, declares that camels can squeeze through needles more than money lovers can enter heaven, and reminded us that we are to render to Caesar what is his.

Why should we preach/teach/talk about money as pastors?

1. The way we handle money is a mirror to our worship - I've always said the ways to tell what someone's worship and devotion are to look at their calendar and checkbook. If we hang on to our money like a miser and fail to give sacrificially, we've proven what we really worship. We can sing and shout all we want, but the rubber meets the road in our worship when it comes to what we're willing to give as a sacrifice.

2. Giving is theologically rich and pragmatically necessary - First the necessary: you have to pay your bills. Utility companies are a blessing but they like to get paid to keep the lights on. Ministry costs money. The outreach drive? It costs. The church fellowship? It's not free. The staff to lead and equip? They have mortgages. But beyond the pragmatism is a rich theology of giving. God gives incredibly gracious and generous to us in how He provides, and the way we give back is a theological treatise far more than any systematic textbook.

3. Giving leads to a generous spirit - Teaching about giving is a spark towards cultivating a culture of generosity. Generosity is more than money. Generosity means giving our time, opening our homes, pouring into the lives of others, fostering hospitality, deepening fellowship, and more. Generosity comes when we realize what's ours isn't really ours to start with, and for many of us that begins with our finances.

4. A Giving Church is a Healthy Church - I know we've all heard the horror stories about churches that hold pastors and ministries hostage with giving (a handful of people withheld their giving until they get their way), but the overwhelming number of churches are fertile ground for health. There's no magic number for how much a church should have to be a healthy giving church, but if a church is marked by generosity, it'll permeate every layer of the church climate.

Christmas is a wonderful time of year for us in ministry. We get to celebrate the birth of Christ, our churches are decorated from wall to wall, people bring us yummy things all the time (shoutout to the person who brought Christmas tree cakes to my office today!), and we get to watch our kids be the cutest shepherds.

But Christmas is stressful as well. There are a number of commitments we have to satisfy, we're finishing preparing budgets, we're taking care of year-end business, there are additional services and emphases with the Christmas holiday coming, and on top of that we're trying to balance our family life. Sometimes it feels we're like Clark stressed out when Cousin Eddie tells him that he'll be staying for a month with the RV.

1. Don't say yes to everything - Chances are you'll be invited to more activities, more parties, more events than you can possibly fit on the calendar. No matter the size church you're in, it's very hard to say yes to everything asked of you during Christmas. At times you will have to say no, and that's ok. You are not Superman. Don't pretend to be what you're not.

2. Prioritize your family - Part of saying no to others is so you can say yes to your family. During Christmas, your priority list hasn't changed. Your commitments are first to Christ, second to your family, third to your church. It won't be "balanced" because balance is impossible. But it is possible to work in rhythms. With that comes the realization that every 6 years Christmas is going to be on Sunday. You don't get to cancel so you can open presents. Prioritizing your family includes teaching them the needs of ministry sometimes happen unexpectedly. So when a death or crisis occurs, even on Christmas morning, duty calls.

3. Communicate clearly - The reason why some people struggle in ministry during Christmas is they've not communicated things clearly. If you're on staff as a second chair, have honest conversations with your pastor or leadership team. If you're a lead pastor be clear with your leadership teams about what your family's plans for travel are and what your availability is. Communicating expectations for your staff are important too.

4. Celebrate well - The joy of the Christmas season is that it's not always about work, there's times to celebrate. The people you work alongside all year long are treasures God has given you, so take time to celebrate with them. I'm excited about our staff Christmas party, and the inflatable reindeer antlers we're busting out for a game with them. It's fun. It should be.

5. Buckle up - Ministry isn't for sissies. And if you can't take some holiday stress without flipping out like Clark Griswold, you might be in the wrong field. The Christmas season is busy. You're going to be tired. You're going to be drained emotionally. There'll be long days and short nights. Push through, everything is a season.

​Pastors, how do you survive Christmas?

Relief.

​That's all I can say after the debacle that was the 2018 University of Louisville football season. We should have known it would go off the rails when the coaching staff was surprised Tua started for Alabama. Followed by struggle wins against mediocre opponents and then consistent blowouts in a down ACC... Man. It was brutal. And it was perfectly capped with an embarrassing home loss to Kentucky, in the process making them look like a Big 12 offense. 

The blame for the disaster is widespread: recruiting woes, nepotism in coaching hires, a revolving door of cast off coordinators, scandal throughout the rest of te university, and a fan base that still doesn't know when kickoff starts. Ultimately though, it was an issue of leadership.

The mark of our effectiveness as a leader isn't what we do when we're there, it's what happens when we're not there. The reality is that all of us are serving as interims. We'll leave, we'll die, we'll get fired, and someone else will take our place. If we've done our job as leaders well, things will be better when we left than how we found them. This isn't something we do when we're on the way out, it happens from Day 1.

1. We raise up others to carry the leadership mantle - You can't do everything alone, and you need others to come through the pipeline of leadership. Recruiting, developing, equipping, and empowering others for leadership should be a priority for all of us. Think about it now, can you name 5 people who can step in if you got hit by a bus?

2. We deflect from ourselves - This isn't just a business concern, it affects churches all the time. When a church makes everything center around its pastor or its leadership, including its identity, it's built on a house of cards (see the Driscoll & Hybels fallouts) that may not survive. We deflect from ourselves by giving others credit, by setting others up for success, and by keeping everything we do mission focused.

3. We shoulder blame - Spreading blame is something that toxic cultures do, it stems from a lack of accountability and expectations. Just as leaders should be quick to deflect credit/praise, we should be quick to accept blame. When we throw others, our staff members, our lay leaders, our volunteers, under the bus, we're doing exactly what Adam & Eve did when they were confronted with their sin: they passed the buck and refused to accept consequences.

4. We focus on culture - Peter Drucker famously has said "culture eats strategy for breakfast." In other words, no matter how much we plan things or how much effort we put into vision, we will always default to who we are. Organizational culture is what's accepted, what's celebrated, and what's normal. If you're a football coach loose with the rules and looking the other way when players get in trouble with the cops, it should come as no surprise that you get penalty flags. If you're a leader who creates a culture of teamwork, optimism, and commitment, you're going to have a culture that will last through adversity.

5. We come in with humility, and we leave with grace - It's really easy for us as leaders, even in the church, to buy into a Hang The Moon Syndrome when we arrive in a new ministry. It's exciting, people are happy you're there, you score some easy wins, and before long you think you've hung the moon and you promise or expect something they're not ready for. When we come in with humility, we don't pretend we're the guy/gal with all the answers, but instead we approach as a learner and fellow journeyman with the church. Leaving with grace goes similarly, we speak well, we hug, we laugh, we cry, and we take the high road. Leaving with grace says you don't leave with bad feelings or untended wounds. It says you're not the key to hold everything together. And it says it really wasn't about you.

Pastors, how have you left a place better than you found it?

I'm still unpacking the goody bag from the Florida Baptist Convention (and looking for my toothbrush, but that's another story), and I'm filled with joy to be a part of an incredible state convention. This was my third time attending the FBC, and first I had some kind of responsibility. Thank you for the opportunity to serve on Credentials, I enjoyed getting to meet pastors, messengers, and guests from all over Florida.

My six takeaways from the convention:

1. Wayside Baptist were incredible hosts - Thank you so much Wayside for letting us invade your space, overwhelm your cafe, beg for your wi-fi password, and navigate your parking lot. Your volunteers and staff were incredibly kind, gracious, friendly, and helpful. We had nothing but smiling faces and willing help to get around campus.

2. We are led well - Not only have we had two years with Stephen Rummage at the helm as our convention president, but we have a trustworthy, diligent, visionary, and convictional leader in Jacksonville who has created an incredible culture among Florida Baptists. When Tommy says they are "Right beside you" in the churches, they mean it.

3. There are some great ministries in Florida - I get it, when you think of Florida you think about Mickey Mouse, Beaches, and the Golden Girls. That's true. But beyond that, we are blessed with some ministries that are doing great work. One More Child is leading the way in foster care, adoption, fighting child trafficking, and striving to connect churches to the incredible needs in our state. Lake Yale hosts life changing summer camps. Baptist College of Florida continues its educational mission and being faithful to the Word. We're baptizing people on the beach, connecting with other ministries through conferences and training, and Write Beside You is going to help Florida churches connect with schools in our communities.

4. Uneventful conventions are a sign of health - I've only ever attended one state convention meeting that got really awkward. When there's not a lot of drama, not a lot of floor debate, not a lot of emotional moments, it's not bad. Those are signs of great health for a convention. It's healthy when we see people recognized for their character and leadership and step into roles without opposition. It's reassuring when questions are asked in a charitable way.

5. Pastors Conferences are worth the time - If you have time, get to the Pastors Conference at your state convention meeting. You'll find your soul nourished, you'll be encouraged, and you'll get to step back for a couple days and be fed. The life of a pastor is one of constant giving and pouring out into the lives of others. After a while, you're going to run dry. You need to be refueled. You need to be fed. You need to be reminded of the strength of your call and the faithfulness of God to you and in your life.

6. Miami, you were fun - I'm not gonna lie, I loved me some Cuban food and Cuban coffee. I may or may not have had half a dozen Cubanos at the convention. Miami is a reminder that the nations are in our backyard. And in the Florida convention, we get to see the incredible diversity in our state. Our program was in English, Spanish, and Creole. I loved meeting Haitian pastors and first generation Americans whose parents fled Cuba or immigrated to serve the Lord in Florida. It's a reminder that the Kingdom is bigger than our little bubble. But Miami, your traffic is nuts.

It's not exactly a crowning career achievement, but the last guy selected in the NFL Draft is commonly referred to as "Mr. Irrelevant." It dates back to 1976 when Kelvin Kirk was selected 487th in the 17th round. The "winner" gets a special prize, the Lowsman Trophy, a dinner reception, a parade, and a trip for him and his family to Newport Beach, California for "Irrelevant Week."

What we should never forget pastors is that we are Mr. Irrelevant. It doesn't mean that we're not useful or that God can't use us. But what it does mean is that we're not the golden goose who keeps the Kingdom of God afloat. Tonight we were challenged by a message from 1 Kings 19 where Elijah the prophet is told to pass his cloak on to his successor, Elisha. Think about that one: Elijah had fought the prophets of Baal, had stood up to wicked queen Jezebel, had boldly proclaimed God's word for years. And like that, his turn was up.

One lesson that has always stuck with me is that all of us are placeholders for the next person. None of us are permanent in our positions. We'll leave, and people will forget about us and move on. When we left our last ministry assignment, the goodbyes were hard and we had a touching sendoff in that last bulletin. But then the next week, life went on. I was Mr. Irrelevant.

The thing to never forget is this: God is not dependent on us to finish His work of redemption. Sure we're called to a place for a time to be faithful. But when we're gone, the mission of God continues. We live out what Count Zinzendorf wanted for his life: we preach, we die, we're forgotten.

And we have to be ok with that. We have to be ok with being Mr. Irrelevant. We have to be ok with not being the answer to God's problems. We have to be ok with passing on our cloak to an Elisha. We have to be ok with people moving on. We have to be ok with our successor changing things we put in place.

Why? Because when we're Mr. Irrelevant, we're putting our full confidence and trust that God is going to finish the work that he started. And best of all, He doesn't need us to do it.

So pastor, be obedient. Be faithful. Be bold. Preach your heart out. Work your tail off. Give yourself to your church and your city. Be Mr. Irrelevant. In the end, it really isn't about you or me, it's about Jesus. And He's more than Relevant, He's our King.

Through our leadership in the local church, we as pastors have the opportunity beyond belief to impact people with our words. Every week we preach and in our exposition of the text we have the chance to encourage, plead, edify, and call people to respond.

But our words can also be deadly like poison. If you want to sink your leadership, say these seven things:

1. Complain - It's one thing to be frustrated and have a safe outlet. I think every leader needs a pressure valve who can listen and allow a leader to vent frustrations or air grievances (a la Festivus). But our pressure valve should never be publicly, and should never be something we use as a club against people. Complaining, especially about our job, is a surefire way to poison your ministry.

2. Slam your predecessor - You ride in on the white horse and people love you when you arrive at a new ministry assignment. But your predecessor was loved too, even if he didn't do everything the way you think it should have been done. Our predecessors labored, loved, and served people. His leaving left an emotional wound in many people. Don't exacerbate that by slamming him. And if he was a lazy bum, keep it to yourself.

3. Talk about your "dream job" - One of the things a lot of (especially younger) ministry leaders are accused of is using a church as a stepping stone. The reason why that happens is way too many have, and talk about their dream job. You cannot control how long you'll stay in one place, and you may very well have a desire to one day serve in a particular city or church. But when you focus on that, rather than the place God has you now, you're doing a disservice not only to your church but to your obedience to God.

4. Gripe about your salary - Hear me. I am not saying a pastor is not allowed to ask for a raise or for a church to consider factors like education, years of tenure, growth, expanded budget, etc. as factors for a salary increase. You may in fact be underpaid and struggling to make ends meet. But asking is different than griping. Too many pastors are scared to ask for a raise because they've heard horror stories of pastors griping about a raise. If you feel your salary package is out of alignment with your family's needs, your church's capacity to support, or your "market value" (I hate using that term), consider bringing in outside eyes through your denomination to help navigate.

5. Losing your temper - Several years ago I did something really stupid, I lost my cool during a sermon. Pockets of people in our church had beaten down our pastor for decades, and my anger towards them came out. Even though I apologized, repented, and asked forgiveness, there were people who would walk out of service when it was my turn to preach, some who wanted me fired, and others who made it their job to make my life miserable. And you know what? I deserved it. Righteous anger directed towards sin is different than you channeling old school Driscoll and yelling.

6. Talking down your wife - Guys, this one is easy. Don't be a jerk about your wife, in public or in private. Don't use her for negative illustrations. Don't pick on her in conversations. She is your treasure, your jewel, and your love. 

7. Trashing your previous church - We all get it, you left. If it was sunshine and roses you probably wouldn't have moved on. But the way you talk about your past ministry assignments is an indicator about how you will talk about your current assignment when it becomes your past assignment. It's one thing to tell funny stories, or even crazy stories of things that happened, but don't let it turn into trashing. You gave good years there. Take the high road.

How else can leaders poison their ministry with their words?

I love when I get to read a book written by someone I know. Their words mean more because I know the one behind the words who wrote them. A lot has been written about the importance of parents taking the lead in the faith formation of their kids, and you can check out a number of them.

My friend Michael Kennedy, who pastors a church near us, wrote a great primer on understanding what it means for parents to take the discipleship lead with their children. If you're in next generation ministry, a pastor, or a parent, you need to grab a copy of this book and work through it. You'll be confronted with not only the biblical witness of how important this task is, but the practical outworking from not only a pastor but a husband and dad.

My major takeaways from the book were:
1. Change the Win - All of us want our kids to get good grades, play sports, be in school clubs, get a scholarship, and help us retire in Aruba. Those are all good things, but they're not the ​primary thing God has called us to. As parents, our primary responsibility is for the spiritual development and faith formation of our kids. 

2. Think about Legacy - Our kids will outlast us, and they will pass what they learned to their kids, who will pass on to theirs, and so on. When we think about it, we don't get a long time (216 months) to make an eternal impact on not only our children but a multigenerational legacy to those who come after them. That's why it's so critical for us to invest in our children, to pray for them, to share the Gospel with them, to connect them in the church, and to foster in them a love for God and for others.

3. Do it Together - You can't do this alone parents, no matter how good you are. You need each other. You need the church. God has given us a community of older parents, grandparents, singles, and pastors who can love and build and encourage. You can't do it alone. But you also can't outsource.

4. It's Doable - Parent-driven discipleship isn't a magic pill or a formal ritual. It starts by spending time together as a family, by taking advantage of the moments God gives us (think about how many questions your kid can ask in a day), by worship together on Sunday, and by seeing your family dinner as more than a time to stuff your face and talk about your day.

Thanks Michael for writing this. And beyond that, thank you for living out what you write with Janie and your girls.